26 September 2013

Apparently I'm "motivated"

Fat Crying!
Let me tell you a little bit about a weight loss journal done my way! I go to the gym between 3-4 times a week, it's not for an extremely long time but it's no less me going and being consistent. Everyday I go I find my escape, from the pressures and stresses of everyday life. I don't think about my husband, I don't think about my parents, I don't think about being jobless, broke, or what tasks I need to accomplish. For the brief 30-45 minutes that I'm pumping away at a machine, it's me and my FAT! Yeah you heard me, my fat! 

I'll tell anyone out there I earned this fat and I didn't do it by accident, and I put a lot of work into it. Guess what the pizza doesn't just float into your mouth. Does that mean I have a handle on it, does it mean I like what it's done to my life? NO WAY! If I could somehow be fat and it not effect my life do you think i'd be changing it?? HELL NO! My husband loves my curves and hell I like having big boobs, but I don't like what it does to my life. So before you judge the girl that shoves the food in her mouth because she's hurting so much inside that she feels empty and literally just wants to feel something even if it's full; realize what she is losing. She's scared to get on airplane, she's scared to go clothes shopping, she needs a breather while walking through the grocery store, if not a sit down; she feels vulnerable in front of the one person who sees her naked; and most of all she looks in the mirror everyday hates herself for what she eats but just wants to feel something. I'm not every fat girl, but I'm me, and that's what I face daily.

Now I'm about one of the most candid fat girls out there, most girls won't talk about this except with other fat girls, why because it's embarrassing and no one will understand without saying well just lose the weight. Thanks Captain Obvious. I'm slowly realizing just how much my honesty can help people, and how my openness about the hard parts of life can impact others. Just today, I received a comment on my post Stop Hating Your Body

Week 3 vs Week 8
"I tried to post in your recipe section after running out of money and looking for $50 a week food budget I found your blog. I am taken by your humble honesty.. I have looked at several of your pages each one remarkable in insight.
The things you are willing to share with total strangers is phenomenal..the things you are sharing are the things most people hide behind their smiles. It is good for people to see your struggles and make it a less lonely world.
Thank you.
signed a gay father in California

No one can imagine how humbled and honestly speechless I am (though clearly not enough to keep from writing this), so whoever you are Anonymous, you have shocked and awed me; you've also inspired me to blog more about my weight loss and my struggles. 

Week 2, Week 6 and Week 7
To all the fat girls out there, I have a message for you: please stop, stopping yourself. I know it's embarrassing to get in a swim suit, I know when the scale goes up you want to cry, I know, but I've gained 10 lbs since I started working out 8 weeks ago! 10 EFFIN POUNDS!! Yeah, yeah muscle my butt, I've been eating more saying that "ohhhh I worked out time for protein," but that one healthy meal of protein becomes "ohhh pizza!" Can you tell what my favorite food is yet? Fat girls everywhere, please look in the mirror and pick apart the pieces of yourself that you love, find them, you have them and focus on those because guess what if it's anything like my list those are things that won't change once you loose weight. Next time you're at the gym find a good song (I'm including shots of my playlist at the bottom) and make your fat cry!! Please! Honor your curves but make your fat cry!! 
Since working out I've accounted for every little victory possible, why because that scale effin sucks! 

As promised the coveted playlist!!

Friends please check out my new tumblr account dedicated to nothing but weight loss!




  1. Abbi! You are BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for sharing this side of you. Even though we've met only once, I would love to get to know you better and to be friends. I feel like I have so much to learn from you.

    1. I would love to know who you are! I'm rather confused and I'm scrabbling in my head to figure out who I've only met once!
      Thank you for saying I'm beautiful every girl needs to hear that!

    2. Sorry about that! I thought I was using a different account to comment. I'm Lisa Cappel, Josh's dad's cousin. We met at Ruth and Jack's wedding anniversary party in Cincy.

  2. 4x a week!? good for you!!! it is so hard to lose weight, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. get it girl!

    1. Lauren- Thanks for all your encouraging words, they are much needed this week!

  3. Good for you girl! I aim to follow in your fantastic footsteps.


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