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09 January 2013

Blind Faith

The title of this blog is well, very obvious but very vague. Recently I've had a nice taste of what having "blind faith" means. My life has literally gone from normal, I know what to expect to in a weeks time I'm moving back to my parents, not living with my husband for TWO months, and starting a new job! WHOA! Hold on let the rest of my body catch up with what's going on!!!!...Yeah I can't catch up so let's continue.

Last week, early on Josh and I began praying, really praying for the first time in awhile. We prayed that God would provide a way, because the way life was going there wasn't much movement. We were stuck, with the apartment, in a place where I couldn't change my hours at work, without additional monies, I couldn't go grocery shopping alone (I know silly, because at least I can go grocery shopping) but mostly I couldn't get out of the job that was making me miserable. I feel like SOMETIMES I have a really GREAT handle on my moods and how I deal with situations, but this job was a whole different world! 

So lets start back up, early last week, we prayed asking God for a sign; contrary to what I grew up to know, that you couldn't ever ask God for a sign, read Judges 6:36 & 37. The story is of Gideon who is asked by God to do stuff (whole bible right) so he says "Pardon me Lord, please don't be mad, but can you make this wool wet but all the ground dry, then I will know that you were here." God does it, but the second night, Gideon asks again, just to be sure, "Please Lord, can you make the ground wet with dew but the fleece dry". So God does it, humoring the soul of His child. 

So Joshua and I asked God for a clear sign, we didn't say what, just that we would beyond a shadow of a doubt KNOW what we needed to do. The hard part of a request like this is it leaves A LOT of room for interpretation. So ONE, yeah you read that right, one day later, I received an email from a very nice woman who has a 4 month old son, wanting to discuss a job. A job, up my alley that I really need. So after a few messages, one of which scared me because I thought I had lost it, we talked again and exchanged numbers to call and have a phone interview. So they called, I talked to her and her husband and I think it went great, we arranged to meet in person the NEXT day! While all of this is going on, she needs a nanny the end of January! THIS MONTH! What do I do?! So Josh and I start our wheels turning, figuring out what to do, how would this work. All of that. We put in the call to my Dad and beg and plead and explain that we could do so much more financially if we go "home". He doesn't hesitate. More a sign that this is totally within God's hands.

Fast forward to last night when we went to meet them, we hit it off. Made a plan to go over Thursday (today is Tuesday) to spend the day and get to know her and baby more! OMG! Okay God, I see the signs. Josh is sitting still questioning (as my wonderful does) but I'm suddenly very aware that I'm okay. I stress and worry a lot, but i'm OKAY. That's really weird I should be going a million miles an hour, freaking out. I even came out and asked at the in face interview if this was set in stone, they said we'll see Thursday, yet today I went into work and quit! WHOA! Where is my stress? 

So I get to the real point, is a lack of stress, blind faith or is it fools hope. Do I have a backup plan? No, not really. Am I scared? No, not really. Do I know God alone will get me through this? ABSOLUTELY! 

I've been praying a lot since this time last week, at every step just begging God, "Lord if this isn't what you want, let me know. Let me know now. Let me turn away at every turn. Lead me down your path." 

Blind faith, not something I thought I would use when the risk is so great. I'm too cautious and truly I have NO clue how He's going to do it, how He's going to make everything work, but I also know he will! 

Another point on the road of YES this is the path. We gave our 60-day notice to the apartment today, they were more concerned about making sure we get out without much trouble, thanking us for giving 60 days, and just generally understanding. I expected anger or dislike for breaking our lease. We got the opposite. 

I think when God makes the path less stressful, allows you to be at peace, then it's His path. His path isn't easy and it's not going to be, but He is giving me peace. 

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