24 June 2012

Who said I'm NOT a provider

The comment has been made that I provide "nothing" to the household. That even if I bring in a couple hundred dollars, through a job, saving money, etc., that it isn't really providing the way a man does. While completely disagreeing with you, I'll relinquish the fact that Josh and Josh alone provides an income, something I don't and wouldn't like to do. But I provide a good home, not always keeping up with the chores but always desiring to be more "domestic" in the same way Josh desires to provide a bigger income, but lets not confuse that with greed. He desires greatly to provide for his family.
So I not only provide a clean home (or attempt) and provide food that is cooked and occasionally tastes good. I also provide the "love". Some of you might be familiar with Ephesians 5:22 and 25 which says (NKJV), "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her," So Paul writes that women should respect (a synonome for submit) and husbands should love their wives. He writes these because these are the ones that we struggle with the most.
Why do we struggle with them might you ask? Go back to the Fall. Genesis 3:16 says: "To the woman He said: I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your DESIRE shall be for your husband, And he SHALL RULE OVER YOU." One translation of this word desire is "crave zealously" another translation is to "desire harm, to hurt". Understand this then women, you will CRAVE your husband, almost obsess over him, also called idolatry, which is very common in marriage and I, myself have been guilty of. Or you could want to HARM him, which is hatred which Jesus says is murder (1 John 3:15). From the fall until now we are plagued with a desire to control, disrespect, harm and obsess over our husbands and one can broaden that to our families. Or to any relationship, we obsess over it. It was no accident the Devil chose the woman, she, like all of us, have a need to have relationships. But what is read here, in between the lines, is that we have no problem providing LOVE. It's not an issue for women to see a child (not even their own) and automatically love them. It's our huge levels of estrogen and how that hormone combines with our levels of Oxycontin. Its not to say men are incapable of love, in fact they are and need it as much as we do, their estrogen levels aren't intended to be as high as our therefore not making it the easier function.
Back to my original point, we provide so much for our homes, we also provide relationships because we have an easier time at relationships. Other then a happy home we also provide the home running smoothly. I once read in a 1950s men's article that suggested when you anticipate your husband arriving home you should get yourself "dolled-up" and you should have the house straightened up and the children quiet. Clearly not all of this is possible all the time, but I think it speaks to a bigger point that when a man comes home from work he should be met with peace. I know that occasionally I'll have a very bad day at home and what Josh is walking into is a war torn home, so I would suggest if you have this issue occasionally that you have a "peace-journal". Some people find journaling easy and do it daily, I however only journal when I'm having a hard struggle or when I don't want to make Josh go nuts as soon as he walks in the door. Having yourself "dolled-up" is acknowledging that men ARE VISUAL, they are not inspired completely by emotions, they haven't spent their whole day at office thinking about you, again not the whole day but I'm sure part of it. To get dolled up means rolling out of your pjs or "grunge" clothes and making yourself feel better, look more presentable. This again isn't to say you don't have bad days/weeks/months, but it is truly a pleasure for me to see my husband step through the door, knowing he is in our home, he is away from the worlds stresses and can just be the man that I love. He is so very good at being the man that I married, even when he's not making me happy, he is still the man I married (though I struggle to remember that all the time).
Plain and simple, if you ever find yourself wondering what it is that you provide if all you do is work at home. you provide an "organized chaos" home where you attempt to combat dust bunnies (to no avail), where you attempt to lovingly provide good food, even if its from a microwave, but mostly you provide a home where you genuinely concern yourself with every single person who goes in and out of that home, who calls it home (even briefly) and everyone who knows someone in that house. Your attempt should not be to provide the cleanest house, the most organized, the one that has the best food, though you CAN provide these, you're to strive to provide a home that shows glory to God, that says the Love of Jesus dwells here!

This is Abigail's husband, Josh  
Abigail asks me occasionally to check what she's writing and we discuss it.  There is something I would like to add to her own discussion.  That is that Abigail, though she stays at home, works harder than I do.  Think about this, my job is 40 hours a week, with 2 days off.  What does she work? She works 24 hours a day, everyday, with no break, no vacation, and no monetary payment. Even on a "vacation", she works.  She worries about our luggage, did we bring the sun screen, the phone chargers, etc.  Just because she doesn't work for money does not mean she doesn't work. She does this for a much greater compensation.  She does this for OUR happiness. She does this for OUR relationship. She does this for ME.  She takes care of the things I didn't know needed taken care of.  I don't think about cleaning the room, doing the laundry, or any other household chores that I don't even know she does.  She thinks about how she can provide for us in an emotional way.  I may bring in a pay check, but she brings in the joy and happiness into the home. She creates a place of relaxation. I couldn't do that at any job I were to have.  She makes our house more than a house, she makes it a home.  So to end my "soap-box speech", I'll end with this: A stay at home wife/mother works harder, and needs more love than any husband/father. A stay at home wife/mother is the unsung hero of a home. End Josh's point.

1 comment

  1. Wow, what an awesome couple! May God keep being the center of your marriage and rely on Him to make things work for the greater good.


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