08 January 2012

Nothing To Give...

This story starts out sounds like great hypocrisy, but I promise it is not. This evening as Joshua and I went to get pizza, I waited in the car and noticed a rather "shabby" looking man roaming the parking lot. This shabby looking man walked into the pizza place, and walked immediately back out. His clothes were torn, pants, jacket and shirt and he was well into his years (at least 80). My heart ached, I immediately wished more then anything that I had something to give, anything. But I am a student and have made the choice not to work, this is my choice and I know it. Therefore it is my own doing that I have nothing to give. But, after he left the pizza place and ventured into the restaurant next door, he came out with nothing. He then did the one thing I was dreading, he approached my window. I was not afraid, I could see Joshua plain as day, though he had no knowledge of this transaction until later, and the horn works well. He handed me a card, "I am deaf, unemployed and anything you might be able to give would help" (or something to that effect). Before he approached me, I had looked in my wallet making sure I had nothing, the less fortunate touch my heart; therefore I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had nothing, not even change in my wallet, as Joshua turns it into "cash" quickly.
To my second story, while on vacation in Washington D.C. this past week, Joshua and I had a "date" museum day, and we hoped the Metro to go see sights and find a nice restaurant. The restaurant ended up being closed because of a power outage, but not after we had to get off the metro onto a station with no less then 15 homeless people congregated around (this was Capitol South - a political hub so they were truly hoping for money). I even then had nothing to give, as all of my $30 was on a card.
My whole life I have cried at the thought of animals dying, homeless people cold, women and children abused, the military sacrifice, and the unborn children's death. I asked this question to Joshua after he informed me that that man comes in EVERYDAY begging and people have seen him talk and communicate. I am always asked the question of why I give money to the people on the side of the highway and hold picket signs for Pro-Life, I do it because someone must. I don't seek praise. I have NOTHING to give, outside of material posessions, why does God then tug at my heart, allowing that man to approach me If I have nothing to give. God knows me, pure and simple, it's tattooed on my wrist that he knows me. God knows I have nothing to offer and yet I cried when I had nothing to give to the less fortunate old man. Does the man know how much he has touched me? Fake or not? What must I do when I have nothing to give, what to give when my hands are empty. I can not make two fish feed thousands, I will never pretend to but oh for a moment I would love to have turned paper to coins or food and been able to help that man.
My question is simple: what must I give when I have nothing TO give? My prayers, are they good enough?

For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. 2 Corinthians 8:12

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